Dan and Trevor were on safari in Africa with Howie Mandela. Howie Mandela was their friend and traveling companion. Dan and Trevor made fun of him because his head looked like a buffalo (not a buffalo’s head, a buffalo). They had to comb him at least twice a day or his hair would get matted and he would wail for hours.

Africa was a growing economic power at the time. With the invention of rhinos, everyone wanted to move there. Along the way on the safari (which at the time involved spraypainting profanities on animals after tying them to trees. People did this because Fleshy the Electrified Horch considered it art), we met Jumbo Harris, who was a law keeper. In fact he kept the law in his pants, but unfortunately his Uncle Whistler took his pants and hid them in the middle of a scary enchanted forest. Jumbo needed Dan and Trevor’s help to get his pants back. They decided to help him because he promised us macaroni and paganism (a type of sauce). Dan and Trevor asked “can we bathe in its glory”, which of course meant “to consume”. Their favorite was to bathe in the glory of Louisiana paganism (or maybe Worcestershire). He said he had some, so they agreed to do it.

When Dan and Trevor got to the forest they saw a plethora of bunions (bunches of onion buns) on the trees. Howie Mandela was stupid and he ate them…or maybe they ate him, I guess we’ll never know. Then they saw a clearing in the forest with a water fountain which was sort of a statue of Harrison Ford with water coming out of his mouth. Later the actor by that name was made as a likeness of that fountain.

Here they found the enchantress of the forest, Grotto the 895th Melissa. She told them where to find the pants. They were in a yellow submarine at the end of the yellow brick road, which was where Uncle Whistler lived. Nobody in those days went to Uncle Whistler’s house without straw or their first-born child. Since neither Dan nor Trevor had a child, they asked Grotto for straw. So she threw them over the fence of a farm and said, “there you go.” Luckily it was Uncle Whistler’s farm and they stole his straw to give to him. Dan and Trevor demanded to be let in because they had straw, but Uncle Whistler yelled at and disciplined them for stealing his straw. He told them that if they ever became queen, they must give him their first-born child.

It was while he was disciplining them that they saw the pants. Uncle Whistler had thrown Dan and Trevor into the crawl space and the pants were there. They grabbed the pants and left. The reason Uncle Whistler let them leave was they guessed his name. Thus they got the pants.On the way back Dan and Trevor decided to find out what the law was. The law in Africa was bands could not have more than two boys; thus no boy bands. In those days boy bands were outlawed, because it was a form of aggressive rebellion (putting a group of men together). Also pop music was the angriest music they had at the time. Uncle Whistler took the law so he could start his boy band Rumple’s Stilt Skin (his real first name is Rumple).

Because the law was revealed it began a war between boy bands and those against boy bands. During this war both pop music and Africa’s growing economy were destroyed. Lauren was devastated as well since she was queen of Africa (especially after Uncle Whistler took her first born child). She never could guess his name.

Dan and Trevor on the other hand left for Arkansas (which in those days was a haven for paganism). They bathed in the glory of polyester and swine. By the way it’s not the American Arkansas; they didn’t have both polyester and swine. Later Uncle Whistler was the first man to walk on the moon. Of course it landed in his backyard so what would you expect? When it left it took him with it, that’s why people think there’s a man in the moon. There is. It’s Uncle Whistler

Next Time -> The Decaying Grip of Martian Luther King